25 years of teaching… and I am still learning
For the past 25 years, I have been teaching in a high school.
In the last couple of years, I also started working as a yoga instructor. Being
around teenagers, parents, colleagues, and different generations every day, I
always thought I understood people quite well. But recently, through yoga and
simple observation, I have started noticing something different. Not about
others. About myself.
And I am realizing, I am still a learner.
It Started with Something Very Simple
One day, I just sat down quietly. Not to meditate seriously.
Not to “practice” anything. Just to sit. At first, I felt uncomfortable. There
was noise inside—thoughts, reactions, unfinished conversations. I realized that
I had spent years teaching, speaking, guiding… but I had rarely listened to
myself.
That was new.
A Small but Uncomfortable Realization
I began to notice a pattern. I felt good when people
appreciated me. I felt disturbed when they ignored me. It sounds normal. But
when I looked closely, it didn’t feel right. It made me question: Am I living
my life… or reacting to others’ opinions?
As a teacher, I have always encouraged students to be
confident. But I started seeing that my own peace was sometimes dependent on
how others behaved. That was a little hard to accept.
Observing People… and Myself
In school and yoga sessions, I meet many types of people—some
talk a lot, some listen, some seek attention, some seek peace. Earlier, I used
to focus more on what to say, how to guide, how to help.
Now I am slowly learning something different: sometimes,
people don’t need advice. They just need someone who is present. And honestly,
I am still learning how to be that person.
A Small Experiment I Tried
I tried something very simple. When someone praised me, I
didn’t react too much. When someone ignored me, I didn’t react immediately. I
just observed.
It felt strange in the beginning. But slowly, I noticed a
small space forming inside me—a space where I was not constantly pulled by
others’ reactions. I am not fully there yet. But I have started seeing the
difference.
Being Alone is Not as Easy as it Sounds
I asked myself a question: If I am left alone, without my
phone, without conversation… will I feel comfortable? Earlier, the answer was
probably no.
Now, sometimes I can just sit quietly on a chair, near a
window, even on the terrace and feel okay. Not excited. Not bored. Just okay.
For me, this is a new kind of learning.
From Explaining… to Experiencing
As a teacher, I have spent years explaining things. But now I
am realizing: understanding life is less about explanation and more about
experience. I have read many things. I have heard many ideas. But living them
is something else.
So now, I am trying to make small changes:
- Speaking a little less
- Observing a little more
- Reacting a little slower
- Listening a little deeper
- Not perfectly. Just gradually.
Relationships Feel Different Now
Earlier, I used to try to maintain every relationship. Now I
am learning to be a little more natural. If someone stays, it feels good. If
someone drifts away, I try to accept it.
This is not detachment in a big philosophical sense. It is
just a practical understanding that not everything needs to be controlled. And
interestingly, I am noticing that the more I become natural, the more genuine
some connections feel.
Presence Matters More Than Words
In yoga sessions especially, I have observed something
surprising. Sometimes, even without saying much, people feel relaxed.
Sometimes, long conversations don’t create the same effect.
This made me reflect: maybe what we carry inside matters more
than what we say outside. I am still trying to understand this.
Slowing Down… a Little
Earlier, I was always in a hurry—to finish work, to respond,
to move to the next task. Now I am experimenting with slowing down:
- Eating without rushing
- Walking with awareness
- Starting the day without immediately checking my phone
These are very small things. But they are not easy. Still, I feel they are changing something quietly.
I Am Not Trying to Become Anything
One important realization for me is this: I am not trying to
become a “better person” in a dramatic way. I am just trying to understand
myself a little more honestly. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I go back to old
patterns. But that’s okay.
What I Am Learning (So Far)
If I have to summarize my learning till now, it would be
this:
- Peace is not created outside; it starts within.
- Reactions reduce when awareness increases.
- People value presence more than performance.
- Being comfortable with yourself changes how you relate to others.
- Real change is slow, quiet, and often invisible.
Still Learning…
After 25 years of teaching, I used to think I had clarity
about many things. Now I feel I am just beginning to understand a few.
And maybe that’s the real journey. Not becoming an expert in
life… but remaining a sincere learner.
References
Brown, K.
W., & Ryan, R. M. (2003). The benefits of being present: Mindfulness and
its role in psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 84(4), 822–848. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.4.822
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.bpg016
Hölzel, B.
K., Lazar, S. W., Gard, T., Schuman-Olivier, Z., Vago, D. R., & Ott, U.
(2011). How does mindfulness meditation work? Proposing mechanisms of action.
Perspectives on Psychological Science, 6(6), 537–559.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691611419671
Gard, T.,
Noggle, J. J., Park, C. L., Vago, D. R., & Wilson, A. (2014). Potential
self-regulatory mechanisms of yoga for psychological health. Frontiers in Human
Neuroscience, 8, 770. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00770
Creswell, J. D. (2017). Mindfulness interventions. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 491–516. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-042716-051139
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